Dealing with Low Self-Esteem or Low Self-Worth.

Is It Possible to be  Permanently Confident and Happy for your Entire Life?

I actually don’t know the answer to this question.

I once said to a friend of mine,  you have so much confidence.  She replied no I don’t  I just hide it well.  If you see her you would say she is confident, happy and at times a little overconfident.

What is going on there??   We perceive things, and people, in a certain way, and we don’t know what they are feeling inside or dealing with.    We may be feeling extremely vulnerable inside at the time, we may see everyone else to be extremely confident and easy-going, when in fact we have no clue what is going on inside.  The point is, even with own ourselves, we don’t always deal with what is going on inside or even realise it.    We have forgotten to talk to ourselves, we have forgotten to understand ourselves.  We keep on living but never stop to get the ship back in order.

To answer the question “is it possible to be permanently happy ?”:  in context to the world we live in today – then it has to be no. Not always.  We just learn to manage.

Is our thinking on point?  Or is our thinking messing us up?

Our thoughts and feelings lead us to be happy or sad.   Our experiences in life, create deep happiness or deep pain, which then create deep feelings and thoughts of confidence or lack of confidence.

Generally, when we lose confidence and self-esteem it is deep-rooted and it is a manifestation of several years of pain and several hard times (well, this is my humble opinion).

We have been hurt and are continually being hurt, we perceive ourselves in a negative light and we sometimes appear un-confident or we fake it.  That is we fake confidence in some cases (not all).  Either way, we are dealing with low self-esteem, value or worth of some sort.  It is just the way we handle it differently, depending on our circumstances and our resilience power.

The danger is when it all becomes too much as you want to say ENOUGH ALREADY! STOP!   This is when we forget, that we are in control of what we think, feel and manage life.  Life does happen, but I do have a say in it, and how I respond.  But, sometimes we just can’t get out of it.

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The Spiral of Negative Thinking and False Beliefs About Ourselves.

Often, we are dealing with feelings of, thoughts of I am not good enough.  Everyone is better than me. I can’t do it, they are so good.  I am so weak.”  The problem with these thoughts is that they are not helpful to us.  They make us feel even worse about ourselves.   Then, we repeat them again and again, and we get into spiral of negative thinking.     Not once do we challenge the thought ” I am not good enough”.  Well, who said so ?   “Oh , I said so”,  But, who else is saying that?   We begin to live in “our own little world ” and the  thoughts just spiral out of control and we let them.  And we become sensitive to everything.

It is raining again – Oh man!

There is NOTHING wrong with us.  We have created a wrong belief of ourselves. A wrong perception.  This happened probably,  because we have had one too many challenge in our life. The good news s, it is just a thought and we can change the way we think – it is not permanent.

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Challenging our Negative Thinking

When you find yourself whirling out of control with your negative thinking and feeling of self value.   You need to stop and challenge yourself.  Take a piece of paper and

  1. Write down the unhelpful thought
  2. Write down why you feel that way
  3. Write down why you think it is unhelpful
  4. Then turn it into an affirmation:

For example:

  1. The negative thought is ” I am not good at cooking”,
  2. Why do I feel that way :  ” I messed up dinner again”.
  3. Why is it unhelpful – well, most of the time I am a great cook.  But today I was a bit off, and feeling low.  This is not an every day thing.
  4. Affirmation:  I am a good cook,  I love cooking,  I rock at cooking.  I am confident and I recognise I  have off days.  Today was just an off day.

The above exercise should be done regularly, that is every time you have a feeling of low self esteem.  It will help you identify the unhelpful thoughts and will help you change your thought patterns.  It will become easier in time  to set yourself  straight and break the pattern of these thoughts.   The great thing is that this will become a tool for life.

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How to Build Up Your Self Esteem and Self Worth- With the Positive Log Book

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Ask  three or two extremely close friends or family who love you dearly and know you inside out.   Ask them to write 10 or more of  your positive qualities on a piece of paper, for you.

When you read these  qualities you might feel a bit surprised, shocked and even tearful.   This comes back to, our perception of ourself is out of whack!  We forget our beauty, we forget our capacity. 

How create  the positive log book?

Buy a nice note book say A5 so that you can carry it around with you.  Write on the top of each page one of the positive characteristic/qualities your loved ones have mentioned.  Choose 7 in total – you may want to group likes ones together.   Then ever day write an example of those 7 qualities you carried out in that day.  Do this as long as it takes to fill each piece of paper .   Once you have finished a sheet of paper , you might want to select 7  more qualities and do this exercise again with seven more qualities.  Do this for a  minimum 2 months.  Of course you can do this longer.

For example,  some of the qualities  are caring, kind, helpful, take pleasure in small things, is clever, bright, not a afraid to try new things.

  1. So on the top of one page you write caring & kind,
  2. and the next your write helpful, next page write pleasure in small things,
  3. next page clever & bright
  4. and the next page not afraid to try new things.

Then, watch yourself in the day, and write an example of those qualities you observed in yourself that day:

  1. So under Helpful  I write,  I was helpful today when I helped an old man with his shopping.
  2. I could also write this under small things (help the old man).
  3. Clever and Bright :  I started a blog and put my first image
  4. (this could also be used for not afraid to try new things)

The point of this exercise is to help you see your self worth,  and allow you to develop your worth again.   When we loose ourself  we forget how to value ourself.   So, in a way we need to re-establish our relationship with ourselves again.

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Final thoughts

Both these activities/techniques will set you straight and they become tools for life.  Once you have overcome the major feelings of low self-esteem and have regained your worth,  I think it is important to keep some form of talking to yourself alive.  Therefore, I say practice affirmations daily, gratitude and journal out your negative feelings.  Have set daily routines in your life, eat well, meditate, exercise,  etc.   Create Resilience within yourself.  All of these tools will keep you balanced always.   And as I said already you have these techniques for life.

We all go through lows in life.  It is just a passing cloud and  once we have mastered it, it will not stay with us for long.  It might visit, but it will never become a guest that outstay their welcome.  Because, I am equipped to send them packing.

I am no therapist,  however I am experienced in  life’s ups and downs and these are some cognitive therapy technique I learnt many years ago (again no expert).  Having said that, if you need to see a specialist you should because sometimes you just need a 3rd party and you it only takes a few sessions to fix yourself for life, and there is no shame in it.    So, I was 22 years old, my final year of university not completed, my dad passes away. I have to still study to graduate, then we have another family blow 3 years after my dad passes away, and a couple of years after that I go for tough jobs and my confidence is slow slipping away, the child hood tapes of being bulled etc come back and impact my work.  Then I realise, I got to sort it out -and it just took four or five sessions over that many weeks with may be a couple of weeks gap in between.

It really all boils down to our thinking, our thoughts.  Be wise how you think and feel and what you hold onto. Then you will always be happy, and  have the capacity to get yourself out of a low.  Also, we need to meditate and talk to ourself that is why I feel it important to journal and practice gratitude and affirmation.  Life is going to hit us, we just need to have the bat of resilience ready.  I use to believe in 7 year cycles as that what I saw in my-life. Then it became 3 year cycles and now I am not sure.  Please don’t misunderstand me –  I am extremely happy with my life right now, but stuff happens and I am just being realistic.   What I have learnt is our thoughts, feelings, company, what we read, eat, watch everything impacts our life and we must take daily care through meditation, reading positive things, and have a positive daily intention every day.  We need to keep working at ourself to make us shine and smile even when it is all a bit, because there is so much beauty in learning and growing and becoming stronger and wiser.

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I believe that the thoughts we create impact our life greatly. If we are able to change our thoughts, redirect them, catch our negative thinking.We can change our life. Read my 'About' page to find out more about thoughtsnlifeblog.com

17 thoughts on “Dealing with Low Self-Esteem or Low Self-Worth.

  1. oh Bella this is such a beautiful wise post, kudos!

    I started my book yesterday about our low self worth and harmful thought patterns, claiming that much of it comes from our childhood ‘stuff’. Our resilience and worth are instilled or stalled during our formative years and I’ve been delaying writing this book. Now I realise that if it helps even one person then I should persist … thanks for being there with your insights 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you and Congrats on starting your book, sounds absolutely wonderful, and extremely useful. ❤️

      My book is kinda on similarly lines. I have Been trying to write it for 3 years -lol. I don’t want to focus so much on how we get low esteem, though I have to, to set some context.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “We begin to live in “our own little world ” – this is so true and we are so capable of creating a horrible world within ourselves to live in, I know it was true for me for so long, it leads to faking happiness and then consequently low confidence because we feel the lack of control over life circumstances. To me confidence now is being comfortable in my own skin, expressing authetically – happiness is never a steady stream. Life keeps happening and it is our practices that we cultivate to help us stay in balance and respond with as much clarity, sometimes allow oursleves time through the suffering and healing – it is a process of trusting and keep going one day at a time. Your post touches upon an important topic and the various facets of it – it is valuable to contemplate.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Such wise words of experience- thank you Pragalbha.

      Love how you share.
      To me confidence now is being comfortable in my own skin, expressing authetically – happiness is never a steady stream’
      Especially this ‘

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Geez I thought more people would be commenting on such an important topic. I too have dealt with low-self esteem pretty much my whole life, and it can be poisonous. It can make a person cruel because you almost feel as though you’re so insignificant, how could you possible hurt anyone else? And you try to “live up” to how bad you think you are. Challenging the negative thoughts and replacing them with positives are important ways to combat this. We have to ask ourselves, would we talk to a friend this way? So why do we treat ourselves like this?

    Liked by 2 people

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